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| Annouance
Isaac Asimov once said, "People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do!"
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| Unique
Margaret Mead once said, "Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else."
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| Blonde's Car
A blonde said to her friend, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid."
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| Sticky Situation
A man decided to paint the toilet while his wife was away. His wife came home sooner than he expected, used the toilet, and got the seat stuck to her rear.
Distraught, she asked her husband to unscrew the seat and drive her to the doctor.
When they got ...
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| What Light Bulb?
Q: How many left-wing activists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It's irrelevant; they don't even know they're in the dark!
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| Inner-city Riots
Facebook is pretty lame, but it's given us the solution to this whole inner-city riot problem that we seem to be having. All we need about 20 or 25 grandmothers with belts and the police can do one big drive-by whupping on these punks.
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| Drunks and Stoners
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?
A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
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| One Joint
Q: What do you call it when there's only one joint to share between three potheads?
A: Malnutrition.
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| Four Blondes
Q: What do you call four blondes lying on the ground?
A: An air mattress.
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| Al Gore. Who?
Q: What do you call Al Gore's attempts at drumming?
A: Algorithms.
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| Cross-breeding
Q: What happens when you cross a pig with a liberal politicial?
A: Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.
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| Pakistani Soccer
Q. Why doesn't Pakistan have an international soccer team?
A. Because each time they get a corner, they open a gas-and-sip.
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| Midget Soccer
Q: Why do midgets always laugh when playing soccer?
A: The grass tickles their balls!
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| Knock Knock Avenue
Girl: Knock, knock.
Boy: Who’s there?
Girl: Avenue.
Boy: Avenue who?
Girl: Avenue knocked on this door before?
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| Knock Knock Canoe
Boy: Knock, knock.
Girl: Who’s there?
Boy: Canoe.
Girl: Canoe who?
Boy: Canoe help me with my homework?
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| Hostages
Terrorists take a group of lawyers hostage. They ask for a ransom of $20 million and threaten to release one lawyer at a time if not given what they ask for.
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| One Too Many
Q: What is black and blue and brown, and lies in a ditch?
A: A brunette who has told too many blonde jokes.
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| Legal Prohibition
Q: Why does the bar association prohibit lawyers and clients from having sex?
A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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| One Month
While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!"
Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No ...
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| How Many Lawyers...
Q: How many lawyers does it take to plaster a wall?
A: It depends how hard you throw them.
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| Bad Neighbor
A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a garbage man with a chain saw."
From the back of the courtroom a man shouts, "You lying bastard!"
"Silence in the court!" The judge turns to the defendant again and says, "You ...
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| Doing Crack
I did so much crack, one day I broke in my own house. I ain't lying. Before I broke in, I stood outside and cased the joint. Finally, I said, 'Damn, this brother will never come home!' I was halfway out the door with the TV before I realized it was my place. ...
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| Lucky Driver
A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt.
"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks.
The man responds, "I guess I'll go to ...
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| Wire Brush
An army major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks: "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic syphilis, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back ...
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| Fox Hole
Q: What's it called when a soldier slips into a fox hole?
A: Bestiality.
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