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| Dunkin' Dummy
Yo mom is so dumb that she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.
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| Blonde Breath
A science teacher tells his class, "Oxygen is a must for breathing and life. It was discovered in 1773." A blonde student responds, "Thank God I was born after 1773! Otherwise I would have died without it."
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| 50/50?
A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down ...
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| Weenie Roast
A husband exclaims to his wife one day, "Your butt is getting really big. It's bigger than the BBQ grill!" Later that night in bed, the husband makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks. She answers, "Do you ...
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| Password Error
A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."
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| Polite Husband
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
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| Man's Best Friend Test
If you want to know man’s best friend really is, put your dog and your wife in the trunk of your car, wait an hour, open the trunk, and see which one is truly happy to see you.
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| Baked Politician
A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant opened by a fellow cannibal.
Feeling somewhat hungry he sat down and looked over the menu...
Broiled Missionary: $10.00
Fried Explorer: $15.00
Baked Politician: $100.00.
The ...
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| Sympathetic Sergeant
So, the tyrannical sergeant major is called to the Colonel's office: "Smith's mother has just died can you tell him?" So the sergeant calls his men to the parade ground....
"Squad attention!, Smith your mother's dead!", squad dismissed'.
Smith walks ...
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| I Do, Promise to Fart
A man woke up every morning and passed gas. After about eight or nine years of marriage, his wife finally said, if you fart any more, you'll fart your guts out. Being a butcher, the wife decided to put pig scraps in his pants so he would wake up, and not do ...
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| Hops Diet
Guy walks into a bar and says, "I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already!"
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| Harassed Helvetica
'Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says ,
"Hey - get out! We don't want your type in here"
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| Land of Milk and Honey
What kind of bees make milk instead of honey?
Boobies
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| Tissue Disco
How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it.
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| Way to Go Blondie
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blonde to her friend, there was a note left on my windshield it said “Parking Fine”
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| Late Excuse
“When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-Lax tablets in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the commode, but I feel really good about it.”
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| Little Johnny Drives
On the day Johnny received his learner’s permit, his father agreed to take him out for a driving lesson. With a big grin, he hopped in behind the driver’s seat. “Why aren’t you sitting up front on the passenger’s side?” Johnny asked.
"Son, I’ve been waiting ...
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| Cattle Thief
What happened to the lost cattle?
Nobody's herd.
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| Amphibious Auto
Wife: There’s trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor.
Husband: That’s ridiculous. You don’t even know what a carburetor is. Where’s the car?
Wife: In a swimming pool.
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| Foreign Languages
A mother mouse and a baby mouse were walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacked them. The mother mouse goes, "BARK!" and the cat runs away.
"See?" says the mother mouse to her baby. "Now do you see why it's important to learn a foreign language?" ...
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| Hot Rod Momma
My wife drives the car like lightning.
You mean she goes very fast?
No, she hits trees.
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| Ranch Brand
How did cows feel when the branding iron was invented?
They were very impressed.
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| Nap Time
Teacher: ‘Johnny, you know you can't sleep in my class.'
Johnny: 'I know., but maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.'
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| Family Death
A blonde goes to work in tears. Her boss asks, "What's wrong?"
She says, "My mom died."
He told her to go home, but she said, "No, I'll be fine."
Later that day, her boss finds her crying again. He says, "What's wrong?"
She replies, "I just talked to my ...
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| Reborn
During a funeral, the pallbearers accidentally bump into a wall and hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find out that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for 10 more years and then dies. There is another funeral for her. At the end of the service, ...
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