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| Knock Knock Canoe
Boy: Knock, knock.
Girl: Who’s there?
Boy: Canoe.
Girl: Canoe who?
Boy: Canoe help me with my homework?
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| Kinds of People
There are 10 kinds of people in the world: Those who understand binary and those who don't.
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| Uncertain Scientist
Erwin Schrodinger was driving too fast and was stopped for speeding.
The cop searches the car and asks the scientist, "Did you know there's a dead cat in here?"
"Well, I do now!" Schrodinger replied.
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| Yo Mama is Mean
Your momma is so mean… she has no standard deviation.
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| The Photon
A photon checks into a hotel and the bellhop asks him if he has any luggage. The photon replies, “No, I’m traveling light.”
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| Negation
An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. “In English,” he said, “a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. … But there isn’t a single language, not one, ...
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| Tell the Difference
Q: How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?
A: Ask them to pronounce “unionized.”
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| Bells On
Pavlov is sitting at a bar when the phone rings. Hearing the sound, he gasps, “Oh crap! I forgot to feed the dogs.”
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| Cool Guy
Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?
He’s 0K now.
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| Yo Mama Again
Yo momma’s so classless… she could be a Marxist utopia.
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| Push Me
A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, asks for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3 o'clock ...
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| Old Wives Tale
Two old guys are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide.
The first old guy says to the second guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The second old guy says, "That's ...
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| Directions
By all accounts, Sam was a lousy husband to Sally. One of the ways h tormented her was by claiming that, if he died before she did, that he was going to come back and haunt her for the rest of her life.
As it turned out, Sam did die first and as soon as ...
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| Knock Knock Georgia
Boy: Knock Knock
Girl: Who's There?
Boy: Georgia
Girl: Georgia Who?
Boy: Georgia the Jungle, watch out for that tree!
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| Inheritance
When Joe found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune.
One evening, at an investment meeting, Joe spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural ...
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| Man of the House
The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, You Can Be the Man of Your House.
He stormed over to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me ...
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| Knock Knock Hello
Girl: Knock Knock
Boy: Who's there?
Girl: Hello
Boy: Hello Who?
Girl: Hello kitty!
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| Cheers
AP) Cheerleaders for the Houston Texans football team have decided to wear shorter skirts. According to the team's press release, the dancers' new outfits should make the team's fans root harder .
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| Car Thief
Q: Why did the texas university Longhorns linebacker steal a police car?
A: He saw "911" on the side and thought it was a Porsche.
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| Super Bowl Ring
Q: What do you call a Buffalo Bills player with a Super Bowl ring?
A: A thief.
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| Football Season Repeat
(This one never gets old...)
The Seven Dwarfs were marching through the forest one day they fell in a deep, dark ravine. Snow White, who was following along, peered over the edge of the steep chasm and called out to the fallen dwarfs. From the depths of ...
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| None For You
While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!"
Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No ...
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| Quickie
Q: What do you call a one-man quickie?
A: A yankee.
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| Pregnant Queen
Q: How did Dairy Queen get pregnant?
A: Burger King forgot to wrap his whopper.
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| Yo Mama is Stupid
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she couldn't buy "Guess" jeans because she didn't know the answer.
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