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College Bathrooms
Q: Where are the cleanest bathrooms on college campuses? A: The women's bathrooms in the engineering building.
Vaseline
A Vaseline account exec was going door-to-door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. He says, "I'm doing some research for Vaseline." Have you ever used the product?' She says, "Yes. My husband and I ...
Starting Salary
A boss decided to hire a blonde applicant. He told her, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months I'll raise it to $10 an hour. When would you like to start?" The blonde thought for a moment and said, "In about three months."
The Ex-Girlfriend
The girlfriend of a soldier serving in the Army wrote him, breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back. The young man was naturally upset, so he went to the barracks, collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that ...
Recurring Dreams
A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams," the man said. "First I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam; then I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?" The doctor replies: "It's very ...
Big Bills
Two friends were standing in line at Jack in the Box, waiting to place their order. There was a big sign that read, "No bills larger than $20 will be accepted." The older of the pair pointed to the sign and remarked, "Believe me, if I HAD a bill larger ...
Air Conditioning
A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, ...
Flags
A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag. "Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said. "We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, ...
Hunting Party
A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home and in the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, "When did you bag the big cat?" The host said, "Three years ago, when I went hunting with my wife." "What's he stuffed with," ...
Ice Fishing
A blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday decided to go ice fishing to make good use of her gift. Early the next morning, she got all her gear together and headed out to the ice. When she reached her final destination, she cut a large hole in the ...
Past Due
A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can't ship your new order ...
Milk Bath
A blonde named Gloria heard that milk baths would make you beautiful so she left a note for her milkman Alan to leave 15 gallons of milk. When Alan read the note, he felt there must be a mistake so he knocked on the door to clarify the order. Gloria ...
President Carter
Back in the day President Jimmy Carter was speaking at a business lunch in Tokyo, where he decided to open his speech with a brief joke. He told the joke, then waited for the translator to announce the Japanese version. Even though the story was quite short, ...
Disney World
Two blondes had driven across the country to see Disney World in Florida. As they approached it and got onto the final stretch of highway, they saw a sign saying "Disney World Left!" After thinking for a minute, the driver blonde said "Oh well!" and ...
Oneupsmanship
An F-111 was flying escort with a B-52 and generally making a nuisance of himself by flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber. The message for the B-52 crew was, "Anything you can do, I can do better." Not to be outdone, the bomber pilot announced ...
Green Side Up
A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room, she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "green side up!" In the second room, she told the ...
Grazing
One afternoon, a man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. "Why are you eating grass?", he asked one man. "We don't have any money for food.", ...
Inheritance
A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?" "My mother died in August," he said, "and left me $25,000." "Gee, that's tough," he replied. "Then in September," ...
The Duck
Q: Why did the duck cross the road? A: To prove he's no chicken!
The Chicken
Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground? A: To get to the other slide!
New Husband
A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing. The police arrive and ask for a description. She tells them he's 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him. The police then go to the next door neighbor to ...
The First Husband
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have ...
Unleashed
A lawyer's dog, running around town unleashed, heads for a butcher shop and steals a roast. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat ...
Slow Down or Stop
A man was driving down a local street one day and approached a stop sign. He barely slowed down and ran right through the stop sign after glancing for traffic. What the driver didn't know was that a policeman was watching the intersection. The policeman ...
Mrs.Clinton
Last summer, the President and Mrs. Clinton were vacationing in their home state of Arkansas. On a venture one day, they stopped at a service station to fill up the car with gas. It seemed that the owner of the station was once Hillary's high school love. They ...