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Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump, so I shouted, “Don’t do it!”

He said, “Nobody loves me.”

I said, “God loves you. Do you believe in God?”

He said, “Yes.”

I said, “Are you a Christian or a Jew?”

He said, “A Christian.”

I said, “Me too! Protestant or Catholic?”

He said, “Protestant.”

I said, “Me too! What denomination?”

He said, “Baptist.”

I said, “Me too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?”

He said, “Southern Baptist.”

I said, “Me too! Free Will?”

He said, “No, Standard.”

I shouted, “Die, heretic!” And I pushed him over.