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| Blonde Puzzle
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited when she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said "From 2-4 years."
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| Blond Psych Major
Q: Have you heard about the blonde psychology major working her way through college as a prostitute?
A: For $50, she'll screw with your mind.
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| Snack
Q: What did one lab rat say to the other?
A: I've got my scientist so well trained that every time I push the buzzer, he brings me a snack.
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| Professor Dirty Joke
There was an old professor who started every class with a vulgar joke. After one particularly nasty example, the women in the class decided to walk out the next time he started.
The professor got wind of this plot, so the next morning he walked in and ...
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| Tug-of-War
Q: What do you get when you play Tug-of-War with a pig?
A: Pulled Pork!
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| Extra-large Condoms
A woman asks the pharmacist if he sells extra-large condoms. The pharmacist replies, "Yes, would you like to buy some?"
The woman says, "No, but do you mind if I stand here and wait to see if anyone buys a box?"
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| Eight Dollar Bill
A crook mistakenly made a counterfeit $8 bill instead of a $10 bill. He decided to try it out anyway, so he went to the bank and asked for change.
The teller looked at the $8 bill and gave the crook two $4 bills as change.
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| Afghan Genie
Strangely, a Taliban soldier and a U.S. Marine are walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give each of you one wish" says the Genie.
The Talibani said: "I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, ...
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| Irreconcilable Differences
3 years after their divorce, Tom was overcome by loneliness one night. Hoping to re-kindle their love, he sent Nicole a text saying, "Hey, beautiful!"
"370HSSV-0773H" was the immediate reply.
Not wanting to admit he didn't understand, Tom thought about ...
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| Cat Joke III
Q: How do cats get their own way?
A: They are very purr-suasive.
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| Cat Joke II
Q: How do you know when your cat has been using your computer?
A: When your mouse has teeth marks on it!
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| Cat Joke I
Q: Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool?
A: She had mittens.
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| Old Testament II
Q. Why didn't Noah go fishing?
A. There were only 2 worms and 2 fish in the sea.
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| Old Testament I
Q. Why didn't Jonah trust the ocean?
A. Because he knew there was something fishy about it.
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| First Offender
Q: What do you call a first offender in Saudi Arabia?
A: Lefty!
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| That's Cold
Overheard: "It was so cold today I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets."
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| Afghanistan Ed
Q: Why did the Taliban school alternate Sex Education classes with Drivers Education?
A: They only had one camel.
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| Knock Knock Dishes
Girl: Knock Knock
Boy: Who's there ?
Girl: Dishes!
Boy: Dishes who?
Girl: Dishes the Police! Come out with your hands up!
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| Knock Knock Police
Boy: Knock, Knock.
Girl: Who's there?
Boy: Police.
Girl: Police who?
Boy: Police stop telling these awful knock, knock jokes!
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| Taking a Cab
A couple of weeks ago, I was out on a New Year's Eve joust with several friends. I had a few cocktails, followed by several glasses of wine. Despite my jolliness, I still had the sense to know that I was over the limit. That's when I decided to do what I have ...
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| Hospital Buddies
Two little boys, Sammy and Tim, were sharing a room in the hospital. As they were getting to know each other a little bit, Sammy asked Tim, "Hey Tim, what're you in for?"
"I'm getting my tonsils out. I'm a little worried," said Tim.
"Oh don't worry ...
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| Bribery
At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney went on the offensive against a star witness. "Isn't it true," the lawyer bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"
The witness stared out the window ...
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| Scrawny Husband
After a rowdy New Year's Eve party, a thin and bony man is walking around his house wearing only his boxers. His wife comes out of the kitchen and says, "Hey, your friends are going to be here to watch the football game any minute. Go and put something on." ...
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| New Years Eve Short Jokes
Q: What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve?
A: I haven't seen you for a year!
Q: What happened to the Irish man who thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year?
A: He gave up thinking.
Q: What's the problem with jogging ...
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| Dreams
Cindy was taking an afternoon nap on New Year's Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she said to her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year's present. What do you think it all means?"
"You'll know tonight," her ...
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