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Bad Light
Q: Where does bad light end up?
A: In prism!
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Knock Knock Lady
Boy: Knock, knock
Girl: Who’s there?
Boy: A little old lady.
Girl: A little old lady who?
Boy: I didn’t know you could yodel!
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Health Bar
An infectious disease walks into a bar and the bartender says, "We don't serve your kind in here."
The disease huffed, "Well, you're not a very good host!"
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Fat Lady Sings
A broad lady showed up at the theater just before the performance was to start and handed the usher two tickets.
"Where's the other party?" Asked the usher.
"Well," said the large lady, blushing, "one seat is a little small for me and rather uncomfortable. ...
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Cheating Blonde
Q: How did the teacher know the blonde girl copied from the guy next to her?
A: Fred's paper said, "I don't know" and her answer was, "Me, neither!"
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Sounds Fishy
Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: By drowning it.
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Nucleus Bar
A neutron walked into a bar and asked the bartender how much it was for a drink. The bartender looked it over and said, "For you, no charge!"
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Yo Mama's So Fat 3
Yo mamma is so fat...
...she was diagnosed with flesh eating bacteria and the doctor gave her 87 years to live!
...she doesn’t need to use the Internet; she’s already world wide!
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Knock Knock King
Boy: Knock, knock.
Girl: Who’s there?
Boy: King Tut.
Girl: King Tut who?
Boy! King Tut-key fried chicken!
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Happy Halloween!
Q. What do goblins and ghosts drink when they're hot and thirsty on Halloween?
A. Ghoul-aid!!!
Q. What is a Mummy's favorite type of music?
A. Wrap!!!!!
Q. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
A. Because demons are a ghouls best friend!
Q. ...
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Twinkle Twinkle
Q: How do you put a twinkle in a blonde girl's eye?
A: Shine a flashlight in her ear!
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Broke Moon
Q: What did the moon say during its bankruptcy trial?
A: I'm down to my last quarter!
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Ice Cream Jokes
Q: What happens after you eat an entire gallon of ice cream?
A: You get Breyer's remorse!
Q: How do astronauts eat their ice creams?
A: In floats!
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Obama Can't Dance
Q: Why can't President Barack Obama dance?
A: Because he has two leftist feet.
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First Day of School
Little Johnny came home from his first day of school looking glum. His mom asked, "What did you learn today, Johnny?"
Johnny replied, "Not enough, I guess. I have to go back tomorrow."
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Soccer Baby
Q: What were the soccer star's first words as a baby?
A: Look Ma, no hands!
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Blonde's Dogs
Q: What did the blonde name her watch dogs?
A: Timex and Rolex.
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Photon Vacation
A photon checked into a hotel and the bellhop asked, "Can I help you with your luggage?"
The photon said, "I don't have any. I'm traveling light."
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She Ain't
The farmer Johnson mortgaged his ranch to give his daughter a college education. After her graduation, he met her at the train station to drive her home. Naturally, Johnson was greatly disturbed when his daughter announced, "I have a confession to make, Paw ...
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Knock Knock Dozen
Girl: Knock, knock.
Boy: Who’s there?
Girl: Dozen.
Boy: Dozen who?
Girl: Dozen anybody want to let me in?
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Big Light Bulb
Q: How many theoretical physicists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate the model of the Universe.
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Owning It
Stressing the importance of a good vocabulary, the teacher told hhis class, "Use a word ten times, and it will be yours for life."
From somewhere in the back of the room, a male voice burst out, "Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, ...
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Untrustworthy Atoms
Q: Why can't you trust atoms?
A: Because they make up everything!
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Marry a Blonde
Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she's pregnant.
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Trigonometry
Q: Why did the math student divide Sin by Tan?
A: Just Cos!
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