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| Orange Rhyme
Q: What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot!
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| Addiction
Patient: Doctor, you've got to help me! I'm addicted to Twitter.
Doctor: I don't follow you.
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| Lost Carro
Did you hear about the Mexican who lost his car?
His name is Carlos.
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| The Shovel
Did you know that the shovel was a ground-breaking invention?
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| Fakes
Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An Impasta
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| Eyebrows
My wife was putting on her making and I told her that she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
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| The Invite
Q: What's the difference between a crocodile and an alligator?
A: Invite them to a party and you' ll see one later and one in a while.
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| Mexican Train
Q: Did you hear about the crazy Mexican train bandit?
A: He had loco motives!
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| Lone Ranger
The Lone Ranger sees Tonto riding with a bunch of trash bags slung over his horse. "Where are you going, Tonto?"
Tonto said, "To-the-dump-to-the dump-to-the-dump-dump dump..."
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| Flintstones
They may not watch the Flintstones in Dubai, but Abu Dhabi do.
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| Bad Thief
To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket: You can hide but you can't run.
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| Hip vs. Zip
Q: What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
A: One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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| Putting My Foot Down
When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo I had to put my foot down.
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| Yo Mama Again
Seth: Yo momma is so fat that Dora can't even explore her!
Tony: Oh yeah? Yo momma's so fat, that when she fell, no one was laughing but the ground was cracking up!
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| Losing Weight
There is an overweight guy who is watching TV. A commercial comes on for a guaranteed weight loss of 10 pounds in a week. So the guy, thinking what the hell, signs up for it.
Next morning an incredibly beautiful woman is standing at his door in nothing ...
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| Blonde Gambler
A blonde goes to a soda machine. She puts in a dollar and gets a soda. She does this again and again. A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long. She says, "Can't you see I'm winning?"
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| A Minister Tells a Joke
A preacher, who shall we say was "humor impaired," attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry.
Among the speakers were many well known and dynamic speakers. One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the ...
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| Knock Knock Amos
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Amos.
Amos who?
A mosquito! Thanks for letting me in!
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| Chinese Sex
Tom asked a Chinese girl for her number and she immediately said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!"
"Wow!" Tom said excitedly.
Then her friend said, "Mai means 666-3629."
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| How Did It Start, 2?
Last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. ...
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| How Did It Start?
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
That's when the fight started.
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| My People
On the roof of a very tall building are four men; one is asian, one is mexican, one is black, and the last one is white. The asian walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people" and jumps off the roof. Next, the mexican walks to the ledge and also ...
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| Earning that Raise
A maid wanted a raise and asked her employer's wife for one.
"Why should I increase your pay?" The woman asked.
"Because I cook and clean and iron better than you," the maid replied.
"Who told you that?"
"Your husband."
"What else?" The rich ...
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| Yo Mama is So Ugly...
Yo mamma is so ugly, when she tried to join an ugly woman contest they said, "Sorry, no professionals."
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| Knock Knock Broken Pencil
Boy: "Knock knock.”
Girl: “Who’s there?”
Boy: “A broken pencil.”
Girl: “A broken pencil who?”
Boy: "Aw, never mind, it's pointless."
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