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Strange Room
Q: What room has no doors, no walls, no floor and no ceiling? A: A mushroom.
Too Punny
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was ticketed for littering. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work. A pessimist's blood type is b-negative.
You Might Be a Grinch If...
You enclose a shoddy and inferior gift from Target, Walmart, or K-Mart in a Macy's bag or other prestige box to impress your friends. You put out last year's stale candy canes for children. You reuse last year's Christmas cards and send them out under ...
Happy Birthday
Some employees bought their boss a gift for his birthday. Before opening the gift, the boss shook it slightly, and noticed that it was wet in the corner. Touching his finger to the wet spot and tasting it, he asked, "A bottle of wine?" His employees ...
Boxing Hobbit
Q: Why wasn't the hobbit allowed to fight in the boxing match? A: Because he kept trying to destroy the ring!
The Hobbit and the Bar
An elf walked into a bar, and the hobbit walked under it.
1st Rule of Technology
The first rule of any technology used in a business is that automation applied to an efficient operation will magnify the efficiency. The second is that automation applied to an inefficient operation will magnify the inefficiency. -- Bill Gates
Magician's Parrot
A man who worked in a cruise liner as a magician had a parrot and every time the man did a trick the parrot yelled, “It’s in his pocket, it’s in the pocket!” Then the magician would do another trick and the parrot yelled, “It’s in the hat, it’s in the ...
Knock Knock Boo
Boy: Knock, knock Girl: Who's there? Boy: Boo! Girl: Boo who? Boy: Don't cry, it's only a joke!
Canaries in a Cage
Once upon a time there were two canaries in a cage. Naturally, one was male and the other female. After many months, the male decided to meet the female. So he scooted over to her side of the cage and said, "Since we're in this together, why don't I move over ...
Let's Meet by the River
The Reverend was completing a temperance sermon and with great expression he said, 'If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river.' With even greater emphasis he added, 'And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and ...
The Train and the Bitch
After World War II, an American soldier was going back to London from the front. He was on a very crowded train, and was looking for a seat, but the only empty one was next to an older lady, and she had her pet poodle on it. He said, “Please, madam, I'm very ...
Nuclear Iran
"The bad news is Iran is capable of making a nuclear bomb. The good news is they have to drop it from a camel." --David Letterman "Iran said they will inflict harm and pain on the United States if we try to stop their nuclear program. Who's writing their ...
Knock Knock Carmen
Boy: Knock! Knock! Girl: Who’s there? Boy: Carmen. Girl: Carmen who? Boy: Carmen let me in already!
Blonde Paints a House
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is ...
Forbidden Love
Q: How do you get a nun pregnant? A: Dress her up like an altar boy!
Made in Japan
A very patriotic Japanese man went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to take him to the airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window yelled excitedly, ...
Knock Knock Ramon
Boy: Knock, knock Girl: Who's there? Boy: Ramon Girl: Ramon who? Boy: Ramon noodle soup!
Black Friday
Black Friday is: ...a day Americans are willing to kill over materialistic things just a day after celebrating what they're already thankful for. ...a scam. You should be mad they overcharge you 364 days a year. You know what? I don't see color. ...
Thanksgiving Breakup
A man in Florida, in his 80s, calls his son in New York one November day. The father says to the son, “I hate to tell you, but we’ve got some troubles here in the house. Your mother and I can’t stand each other anymore, and we’re getting a divorce. I’ve ...
Redneck Vasectomy
After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough. The husband went to his doctor/veterinarian and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy ...
Scared Straight
Two guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show ...
It's Nerd Season
A trucker hauling computers is driving down the highway late one night when he sees a truck stop on the side of the road. So he decides to pull over. On the door is a sign: "NO NERDS." The trucker shrugs it off and enters, only to be greeted by the end ...
Out of Place
A guy walked into a bar in Alabama and ordered a white wine. Instantly everybody sitting around the bar looked over at the pantywaist Yankee dumbass. The bartender looked up and said, "You ain't from around here, are ya, boy?" The guy said, "I'm from ...
Blondes go Duck Hunting
Two blondes decide to go duck hunting. Neither one of them has ever been duck hunting before and after several hours they still hadn't bagged any. One girl looks at the other and says, "I just don't understand it - why aren't we getting any ducks?" Her ...