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The Blonde and the Genie
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. ...
Little Johnny's Future
A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government ...
Knock Knock Amos
Knock, knock Who's there? Amos Amos who? Amos quito just bit me!
Old Streakers
Two old men were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall when a flower show was in progress. One leaned over to the other and said, "Cripes, life is boring, we never have any fun these days. For .00 I'd take my clothes off and streak through the ...
The Tree Hugger Meets Her Match
A woman from Los Angeles who was a notorious liberal tree-hugger purchased a piece of timberland in Washington. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to ...
Organic Vegetables
A woman called her husband during the day and asked him to pick up some organic vegetables for that night’s dinner on his way home. The husband arrived at the store and began to search all over for organic vegetables before finally asking the produce guy where ...
Jay Leno on Congress
"President Obama wants Congress to increase the minimum wage. Believe me, when it comes to doing the minimum for their wage, Congress knows what it's talking about." "A top geneticist at Stanford says human intelligence is declining. You know what that ...
Computer Gender
A student asked, "What gender is a computer?" The teacher wasn't certain which it was, and so divided the class into two groups and asked them to decide if a computer should be categorized as masculine or feminine. One group was comprised of the women ...
Life Before Personal Computers
An application was for employment A program was a TV show A cursor used profanity A keyboard was a piano! Memory was something that you lost with age A CD was a bank account And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy, you hoped nobody found out!
A Few Tom Swifties
"I'm concerned about the number of people not attending," said Tom absentmindedly. "Who would want to steal modern art?" asked Tom abstractedly. "I gave the donkey some vinegar," said Tom acidly. "There's room for one more," Tom admitted. "It's ...
Important Passenger
The Pope goes to New York, and gets picked up at the airport by a limousine. He looks at the beautiful car and says to the driver, "You know, I hardly ever get to drive. Would you please let me?" The driver is understandably hesitant and says, "I'm sorry, ...
Abundance and Scarcity
The results of a poll made by United Nations came out. The question was: "Please, tell us honestly what is your opinion about the abundance vs. scarcity of food in the rest of the world." The results were as follows: - The Europeans did not understand ...
A Day at the Zoo
Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him. "So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home. "Great," Little Johnny replied. "Did you and daddy ...
Magic Mirror
There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror and if you told a lie it would suck you in. One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in. ...
Knowing the Difference
Maurice and Sadie were approaching their wedding anniversary. One summer evening, as they were taking a slow walk in their local park, Sadie suddenly takes her walking stick and hits Maurice hard across his back with it. "What on earth did you do that ...
First 3 Years of Marriage
Married life is full of excitement and frustration: - In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. - In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. - In the third year, they BOTH speak and the NEIGHBORS listen!
Knock Knock Doris
Knock knock. Who's there? Doris. Doris who? Doris locked, that's why I'm knocking!
Canadian Hockey Temperature Conversion Table
50° Fahrenheit (10° C) - New Yorkers try to turn on the heat. - Canadians plant gardens. 40° Fahrenheit (4.4° C) - Californians shiver uncontrollably. - Canadians Sunbathe. 35° Fahrenheit (1.6° C) - Italian Cars won't start - Canadians drive with ...
Knock Knock Madam
Knock knock. Who's there? Madam. Madam who? Madam foot got caught in the door!
French Security
Rumor has it that someone hacked the Facebook account of French President Francois Hollande. In truth, his account wasn't really hacked: Someone asked for his password and he surrendered it.
Of Spiders and Mates
Q: Why do black widow spiders kill their mates after mating? A: To stop the snoring before it starts.
Silly Number Joke
Q: What did Zero say to Eight? A: "Nice belt."
Bed Football
An old man was in bed with his wife when suddenly he let out a loud fart. He yelled, "7 points!" His wife looked at him and said, "What the hell are you doing?" He simply replied, "Just playing bed football." Ten minutes later the wife let a loud ...
You Might Be An Aggie If...
5. You think that ring dunking is a graduation ceremony. 4. You Whoop! when you hear the word "Reload." 3. You think Aggie Bucks are national currency. 2. You think that a seat cushion is a comfortable pair of shoes. 1. You think the national ...
More You Might be White Trash if...
...Your house still has the "WIDE LOAD" sign on the back. ...Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Childcare. ...You carried a fishing pole into Sea World. ...You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures. ...You consider your license plate personalized ...