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Well-hung Man
Q: How can you tell if a fully-dressed man is well hung?
A: When you can just barely shove your hand between his neck and the noose around it.
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Knock Knock Howl
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Howl!
Howl who?
Howl you know unless you open the door!
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Cutting the Ocean
Q: How do you cut off a piece of the ocean to take it home from the beach?
A: Use a Sea Saw!
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Dwight Gooden Jokes
(Youngsters may not know that Gooden was the most talented pitcher of his era but destroyed his career by abusing drugs.)
Q: What cost Dwight Gooden $5,000 but only contained one calorie?
A: Diet Coke
Q: Why did Dwight Gooden give up so many walks? ...
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Porsches and Porcupines
Q: What's the difference between a Porsche and a porcupine?
A: Porcupines have pricks on the outside.
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1000 Drunk Babies at Computers
Q: What do you get when you give 1,000 American babies a bottle of Jack Daniels and sit them in front of 1,000 tiny laptops running a word processor?
A: The staff writers for MSNBC's news and editorial programming.
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Polish Shipping Materials
A Polack went to a carpenter and asked the man to build him a box
two inches high, two inches wide, and fifty feet long.
"Hmm..." the carpenter hedged. "I guess I could do that if I had to. But I have to ask, why do you want a box like that?"
The Polack ...
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Redneck Magic Trick
While a family from northern Kentucky was visiting a big city for the first time, a father and son spotted an elevator.
"What's that, Paw?" The boy asked.
"I ain't seen nothin' like that in my life," the father said.
They walked over to the elevator ...
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Best T-Shirts of Summer
10) If It's Called Tourist Season, Why Can't We Hunt Them?
9) (Worn by a pregnant woman) "A Man Did This To Me, Oprah"
8) I Just Do What The Voices Inside My Head Tell Me To Do
7) My Mother Is A Travel Agent For Guilt Trips
6) At My Age, I've Seen ...
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Men and Dishes
Two long-time bachelors were talking and after a while their conversation drifted to the subject of cooking.
"I got a cookbook once," said one man, "but I could never finish making any of the things in there."
"Too complicated for you, eh?" asked the ...
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Dallas Cowboy Dog
One Sunday afternoon, a guy and his dog walk into a bar. Seeing this, the bartender said, "Sorry, pal. Unless you're blind, there's no dogs allowed."
"This dog is more than a pet," the man protested. "Turn on the Dallas game and you'll see."
The bar ...
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President Obama's New Tax Plan
Americans have complained for years about the process of paying their income taxes because of how complicated the I.R.S. regulations are. As part of his administration's "Hope and Change" platform, President Barack Obama will introduce this simpler form at ...
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Repeating Polack Jokes
After having a few beers, a loudmouth says to the bartender, "Hey, want to hear a good Polack joke?"
The bartender gives him a look and says, "I'm Polish and so are those two big guys playing pool."
"So?" The drunk says.
Seeing the man isn't getting ...
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Blonde With Headphones
A blonde started a new job and wore a paid of headphones into the office. Concerned she would be distracted, the manager asked her to take them while she worked.
Looking worried, the blonde did as she was asked and her boss went away happy after telling ...
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Blondes and Cheerios
Q. Why did the blonde girl plant row after row of Cheerios in her garden?
A. She thought they were doughnut seeds.
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Blonde Tries to Buy a TV
After looking around a large electronics store, a blonde asks the clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The man looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes.
Annoyed, she goes back home, dyes her hair black, returns to the store, and asks the ...
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A Woman's Worth
It's All in the Punctuation
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ObamaCare Medical Notice
Notice to Employees
SICKNESS
A doctor's note will no longer be accepted as proof of illness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to work.
LEAVE OF ABSENCE FOR SURGERY
We are no longer allowing workers to have operations. As long as ...
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Little Johnny Knows Jesus
A preschool Sunday School teacher told her students that she wanted each of them to learn a new fact about Jesus by the next Sunday. The following week she asked each child in turn what he or she had learned.
Susie said, "He was born in a manger."
Bobby ...
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10 Commandments in Courthouses
If you think about it, there is a good logical reason for removing the Ten Commandments monument from the America's courthouses.
You see, we can't post sayings like "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery", and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a ...
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How Much for Joe?
Price for a Young Man's Services
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Quiet in a Bowling Alley
Q: Why should you be quiet in a bowling alley?
A: So you can hear a pin drop!
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Life After Death?
A New Employee's Tough Question
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6 Afraid of 7?
Another Take On It
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Bill Clinton at the Ballgame
Former President Bill Clinton and his wife Hillary go to a Yankees game together. They had VIP seats in the first row. All of a sudden, a secret service agent comes up to Bill and whispers in his ear. As soon as the man leaves, Bill grabs Hillary and throws ...
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