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| Blind, Blonde, & Ballsy
A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him, and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The man says back to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blonde. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler and he is blonde. The bouncer is blonde. ...
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| Beautiful?
There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You're beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by ...
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| You Might Be a Yankee If
You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun and knife show.
You don't have at least one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house.
You think more money should go to scientific research at your university than to pay the salary of the head ...
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| Hippie Guest
Q: How do you know a hippie has been staying at your house?
A: He's still there!
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| Knock Knock Hoo
Boy: Knock, knock.
Girl: Who’s there?
Boy: Hoo.
Girl: Hoo who?
Boy: Are you a owl?
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| Celebrity Beatdown
3 slams at some so-called celebrities:
1) Snooki is so short and orange that before getting on TV she worked part time as a traffic cone.
2) Somebody somewhere unfollowed Taylor Swift on Twitter... Of course she's gonna write a song about it.
And ...
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| Quick Stop
You are riding a horse. In front of you there is a fire engine. You are being followed by a helicopter. To your left a sports car is driving. And to your right there is a submarine.
Q: How can you arrange that you will all stop simultaneously, without crashing ...
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| Poor Dog's Struggle
Q: Why did the poor dog chase his own tail?
A: He was trying to make both ends meet!
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| Jimmy Hoffa
The latest search for Jimmy Hoffa has been called off. The FBI now says they called off the search because the NSA said it would be too difficult to find Jimmy Hoffa because he hasn't made a phone call since 1975.
-- Jay Leno
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| Miami Heat Jokes Rebutted
The Miami Heat won their 2nd consecutive NBA championship, making these once-cutting jibes all but a thing of the past....
Q: What does an Miami Heat fan do after his team wins the NBA Finals?
A: He turns off the PlayStation.
Q: What's the difference ...
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| Kat's Limerick
There was a young girl named Kat,
who had triplets: Nat, Pat and Tat.
It was fun in the breeding,
but hell in the feeding,
when Kat found she had no tit for Tat.
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| New Restaurant
Q: Did you here about the Jewish-Japanese restaurant in town?
A: It's called So Sume.
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| Lines With Which to Pick Up a Nerdy Girl
1: Your mouth says, ‘Shields up!’, but your eyes say, ‘A hull breach is imminent'.
2: I less than three you.
3: If I was an enzyme, I’d be helicase so I could unzip your genes.
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| Blonde and the Fence
Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
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| Rich Man's Wife
Bob, an extremely wealthy 60-year-old, arrives at a country club with a beautiful and charming 25-year-old blonde.
His buddies at the club are all aghast. They corner him and ask, "Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?"
Bob exclaims, "Girlfriend? ...
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| Dog's 10 Commandments
1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. just because I like the way they smell.
3. The litter box is not a cookie jar.
4. The sofa is not a ”face towel.” ...
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| Farmer With 3 Daughters
There was this farmer that was really protective of his three daughters. In fact, he always met their boyfriends at the door with a shotgun.
At 5:30 Friday night, there was a knock at the door. The farmer answered it with his gun. The guy at the door said, ...
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| Adam and Eve's Nationality
At the height of the Cold War, a Brit, a Frenchman, and a Russian are in a museum staring at a portrait of Adam and Eve.
"Look at their calm, their reserve" says the Briton. "Surely they must be British!"
"Nonsense!" replies the Frenchman. "They are ...
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| Overweight Nerd
Q: Why was the mathematics professor so big and round?
A: Too much pi.
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| Blondes in the Basement
Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A: A whine cellar.
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| Muslims in Space
Q: It hasn't made the newspapers yet, but did you hear about the Iranian's plan to land men on the Sun?
A: They are going to go at night.
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| Most Devout
A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim were having a discussion about who was the most religious.
"I was riding my camel in the middle of the Sahara," exclaimed the Muslim. "Suddenly a fierce sandstorm appeared from nowhere. I truly thought my end had come as ...
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| Inquiring Dogs Want to Know
If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
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| Mexican Tank
Q: How do you stop a Mexican tank?
A: Shoot the guy pushing it.
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| What Would Jesus Drive?
Q: Did they have automobiles in Jesus’ time?
A: Yes, they must have - the Bible says that the disciples were all of one Accord.
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