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Best Dancer
Boy: Which Halloween creature is the best dancer? Girl: I don’t know. Boy: The Boogie Man!
Moral of the Story
On Halloween, a photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost. To his surprise, the ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot. The happy photographer dashes to his studio and uploads his photos to ...
Witching Hour
It was Halloween and a blonde teenager had dressed herself up as Barbie to go trick-or-treating. The blonde's friend asked, "I wonder what time it is?" "I know it can't be 12 o'clock yet," the blonde answered. "I am supposed to be home at midnight and ...
Half the Work
A liberal New Yorker needed to make some plumbing repairs and, being more industrious than most, went to a hardware store and started flipping through a home improvement book. Seeing this, an employee said to him, "That book will do half the job for you." "Great!" ...
Longhorn Joke
There was a group of Texas college students on a tour bus. Eventually an Aggie from Texas A&M asked if he could tell the rest of them a Longhorn joke without offending anyone. Immediately a woman in the back of the bus said, "No, don't do that. I'm a student ...
The French Cuckold
Once there was a Frenchman who fancied himself a great lover of women. Naturally he was shocked to get home to find his wife in bed with another man. Seeing them, the husband got so angry that he took a gun and pointed it to his own head. "NO! Don't do ...
Flash of Lightning
Q: Why do Hollywood movie stars hurry to go outside when there's lightning? A: Because they think someone is taking pictures of them.
Slap-Happy
Q: What's the difference between liberals and mosquitoes? A: Mosquitoes only need to be slapped during the summer.
Breaking the Iron Grip
One Olympics during the Cold War, the Russians sent their best man to compete in the wrestling competition. This man was famous for one thing, and that was the 'Iron Grip', if he got anyone into that grip, then they were as good as dead. The Americans studied ...
Swedish Jokes 1
Q: What do you get if you cross a Swede and a Gypsy? A: A car thief who can't drive. Q: Why do Swedes bring sand paper with them when they travel in the desert? A: Because they need a map. Q: What are beautiful women in Sweden called? A: Tourists. (OK, ...
Jonah and the Whale, Re-visited
A little girl was talking to her teacher about Jonah and the whale. “Whales can’t swallow people,” the teacher said. “Even though they are large mammals, their throats are very small.” “But Jonah was swallowed by a whale,” the little girl replied. “That ...
Air Traffic Control
The German air traffic controllers are often short-tempered and they expect pilots to their parking location without any assistance from them. Here is an exchange between Frankfurt ground and a British Airways 747 after landing. BA: "Good morning Frankfurt, ...
Naughty Whales
Two whales were swimming in the ocean when they came upon a boat sailing along. one whale says to the other, "Watch this", and goes up along side the boat. He starts blowing with his blow hole and the boat starts swaying the opposite way. The other whale ...
Old Man Jokes
Q: What would a barefooted man get if he steps on an electric wire? A: A pair of shocks. Q: What do you call a silly old man? A: A fossil fool.
Chinese Hardware
Soon after a Chinese man got a job at a hardware store, his boss told him "I'll be out for an important meeting, in the meantime you take care of the supplies for me." So the Chinese guy stayed in the store to do his boss's bidding and two hours later ...
Lawyers and Trampolines
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline? A: You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline!
Testy Passenger
A crowded United flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it ...
Swimming Jokes 2
Q: How do swimmers clean themselves? A: They wash up on shore! Q: Why did the girl have problems swimming? A: She didn’t have boy-ancy! (Buoyancy)
Swimming Jokes 1
Q: Why did the teacher jump into the water? A: She wanted to test the water! Q: Why did the vegetarians stop swimming? A: They didn't like meets!
The Blonde and the Acronyms
Blonde: "What does IDK stand for?" Brunette: "I don’t know." Blonde: "OMG, nobody does!"
White Guys
Q: What do you call a few sad-looking white guys sitting on a bench? A: The NBA!
Making Faces
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the school teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and ...
Gardening
Q: What have Gardening tools and People got in common? A: The Hoes are always with the Spades.
Obeying the Police
An American tourist was in the West End of London: stately residences and squares full of locked private gardens. But no REST ROOMS. He was bursting to go and found an alleyway where he thought he was out of sight. Just as he was unzipping a hand tapped him ...
Never Felt Better
This conversation is reported to have taken place in court in an old farming community: Lawyer: 'At the scene of the accident, Mr O'Brien, did you tell the officer that you had never felt better in your life?' O'Brien the old farmer: 'That's right, sir.' Lawyer: ...