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| Search Results | Category |
|---|---|
| Old Job-Holders Never...
Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance.
Old beekeepers never die, they just buzz off.
Old bosses never die, much as you want them to.
Old chauffeurs never die, they just lose their drive.
Old chemists never die, they just fail ...
| Humor |
| One-handed Typing
Overheard on an airplane:
"Miss? Why did you slap that man in the seat in front of me?" An old woman wanted to know.
The beautiful red-headed flight attendant replied, "He had the nerve to tell me that 'Stewardesses' is the longest word typed with only ...
| Humor |
| Short Bible Jokes
Q: What's the moral of the story about Jonah and the whale?
A: You can't keep a good man down!
Q: Who drew up the design for Noah's ark?
A: An ark-itect!
| Humor |
| A Real Quickie
Q: When interviewed for a men's magazine, what did 100m dash world record holder Usain Bolt's ex-girlfriend have to say about his technique between the sheets?
A: "It really is true: He is the fastest man ever!"
| Humor |
| No Arms, No Legs 1
Q: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in your mailbox?
A: Bill
Q: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs at your front door?
A: Matt
Q: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hung up on your wall?
A: Art
Q: ...
| Humor |
| Amazing Blind Cashier
A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy her husband a fishing rod. Not liking fishing herself, she just grabs one and goes over to the register where there's a cashier with dark glasses on.
She asks, "Can you tell me anything about this rod and ...
| Humor |
| Well-hung Man
Q: How can you tell if a fully-dressed man is well hung?
A: When you can just barely shove your hand between his neck and the noose around it.
| Humor |
| Knock Knock Howl
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Howl!
Howl who?
Howl you know unless you open the door!
| Humor |
| Cutting the Ocean
Q: How do you cut off a piece of the ocean to take it home from the beach?
A: Use a Sea Saw!
| Humor |
| Dwight Gooden Jokes
(Youngsters may not know that Gooden was the most talented pitcher of his era but destroyed his career by abusing drugs.)
Q: What cost Dwight Gooden $5,000 but only contained one calorie?
A: Diet Coke
Q: Why did Dwight Gooden give up so many walks? ...
| Humor |
| Porsches and Porcupines
Q: What's the difference between a Porsche and a porcupine?
A: Porcupines have pricks on the outside.
| Humor |
| 1000 Drunk Babies at Computers
Q: What do you get when you give 1,000 American babies a bottle of Jack Daniels and sit them in front of 1,000 tiny laptops running a word processor?
A: The staff writers for MSNBC's news and editorial programming.
| Humor |
| Polish Shipping Materials
A Polack went to a carpenter and asked the man to build him a box
two inches high, two inches wide, and fifty feet long.
"Hmm..." the carpenter hedged. "I guess I could do that if I had to. But I have to ask, why do you want a box like that?"
The Polack ...
| Humor |
| Redneck Magic Trick
While a family from northern Kentucky was visiting a big city for the first time, a father and son spotted an elevator.
"What's that, Paw?" The boy asked.
"I ain't seen nothin' like that in my life," the father said.
They walked over to the elevator ...
| Humor |
| Best T-Shirts of Summer
10) If It's Called Tourist Season, Why Can't We Hunt Them?
9) (Worn by a pregnant woman) "A Man Did This To Me, Oprah"
8) I Just Do What The Voices Inside My Head Tell Me To Do
7) My Mother Is A Travel Agent For Guilt Trips
6) At My Age, I've Seen ...
| Humor |
| Men and Dishes
Two long-time bachelors were talking and after a while their conversation drifted to the subject of cooking.
"I got a cookbook once," said one man, "but I could never finish making any of the things in there."
"Too complicated for you, eh?" asked the ...
| Humor |
| Dallas Cowboy Dog
One Sunday afternoon, a guy and his dog walk into a bar. Seeing this, the bartender said, "Sorry, pal. Unless you're blind, there's no dogs allowed."
"This dog is more than a pet," the man protested. "Turn on the Dallas game and you'll see."
The bar ...
| Humor |
| President Obama's New Tax Plan
Americans have complained for years about the process of paying their income taxes because of how complicated the I.R.S. regulations are. As part of his administration's "Hope and Change" platform, President Barack Obama will introduce this simpler form at ...
| Humor |
| Repeating Polack Jokes
After having a few beers, a loudmouth says to the bartender, "Hey, want to hear a good Polack joke?"
The bartender gives him a look and says, "I'm Polish and so are those two big guys playing pool."
"So?" The drunk says.
Seeing the man isn't getting ...
| Humor |
| Blonde With Headphones
A blonde started a new job and wore a paid of headphones into the office. Concerned she would be distracted, the manager asked her to take them while she worked.
Looking worried, the blonde did as she was asked and her boss went away happy after telling ...
| Humor |
| Blondes and Cheerios
Q. Why did the blonde girl plant row after row of Cheerios in her garden?
A. She thought they were doughnut seeds.
| Humor |
| Blonde Tries to Buy a TV
After looking around a large electronics store, a blonde asks the clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The man looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes.
Annoyed, she goes back home, dyes her hair black, returns to the store, and asks the ...
| Humor |
| A Woman's Worth
It's All in the Punctuation
| Humor |
| ObamaCare Medical Notice
Notice to Employees
SICKNESS
A doctor's note will no longer be accepted as proof of illness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to work.
LEAVE OF ABSENCE FOR SURGERY
We are no longer allowing workers to have operations. As long as ...
| Humor |
| Little Johnny Knows Jesus
A preschool Sunday School teacher told her students that she wanted each of them to learn a new fact about Jesus by the next Sunday. The following week she asked each child in turn what he or she had learned.
Susie said, "He was born in a manger."
Bobby ...
| Humor |